Notes from Lost Coin Class 11/27/2007

Subject of last few weeks has been personal power.  Lack of fear.  Each person shared how that's working for him or her.

PERSONAL POWER

Daniel clarified:  It's not about "feeling" you can do what you want.  It is about, in the moment, doing as you wish.  It's not about picking or choosing your activities, it's about having the power to do as you want.

Maybe this doesn't sink in so much- this is about the absence of fear.  This is the difficult aspect of the concept.  Spending your time doing activities you like is not really the point- it's about living without fear.  Being in these or any activity and dropping the anxiety, the fear.

"I AM" exercise.  The salient emotional state is lack of general anxiety, discomfort, tension, fear, low-grade worry.

Do what you want but do it out of a lack of fear- this is the difference. If you made a clear choice- how would you like to feel now?  How would you like to act?

Having your way can be fear based.

Mechanical action is another leg of the same piece of furniture that we are talking about here.

As you grow older you physically cannot do a lot of your prior activities. You might notice that doing those activities were not just "drinking deeply from the cup of life" or living an active full lifestyle- was there any anxiety associated with this?  Was there anxiety about doing things?  Being successful?  Being active?

Can do the same things but just take out the anxiety.  Notice that it's there behind what you're doing and just let it drop.

How you want to be seen by others is also a background anxiety.   Can you drop it?

Telling yourself that you have power cam be a way of reminding yourself to be without fear.  You may feel stronger physically.  Power is like spirit.

Keep working on this.

Daniel's "hat experience":  When in a bookstore, Daniel always feels bad if he does not put a book back where he found it after he's looked at it. Though it was more forced, he would also feel that it was the right thing to do in a clothing store- to put the item back where he got it from.  Over the weekend, he tried on a hat and when he decided he didn't want it, he did not walk back to where he got it from.  He just placed it on a shelf.  It felt GOOD.  It's a small thing, but how many ways in life do we do this?  Why not just leave the hat on the shelf?

In an allegorical way, having enough personal power should allow you to just walk out of your life right now.  Not saying that you should, but personal power should allow you to just pick up yourself, get on a bus, and move to a new place with not history or connections and NEVER LOOK BACK.

FEELING

We have to be conscious to feel what we are feeling.  Feeling triggers thoughts of want or not want.   Thoughts are usually against what you are feeling.  They usually don't want what you are feeling.   When we feel, this has a lot of energy.  We usually dissipate this energy by thoughts and fear. We are constantly busy with our fears.

We did an exercise where we sat with feelings and tried not to let it become thinking about our feelings.

This energy is personal power.  Gathering energy- the best way is to be focused.  It's hard to remember to focus but over time you'll do it more and more easily.  Do not think of it as particular things lead to particular results.  It's not so much technique; it's the constant living with it. Over time things progress at the speed of a growing plant.

FORGETTING THE SELF

As with our retreat, when you just walk out into the woods or the desert without a destination, that releases you somewhat and the change of state is easy and immediate.  It's just that we do not remember to do it.  When you are focused on the experience in nature, you forget the self.

There is a specific thing that happens when the student attempts to forget the self.  The ego grabs it.   Ego will grab it and run with it.  The next thing the teacher asks is that the student give up everything the student understands in favor of what the teacher knows.  The teacher is the only one who can stand in opposition/ in the place of that ego

The teacher is not speaking for himself but received this knowledge from the lineage.  The student gives up to the teacher.

The process is not linear, but we're still talking about a long time.

   Q:  How long will it take for me to be a black belt?

   A.  Five years.

   Q.  But what if I try really hard?

   A.  Ten years.

We don't make the choice to drop fear.  We don't make the choice to feel without thinking.  It takes a group/teacher to go against the grain.  It is okay to work within society but don't be trapped into your own mind and the mechanical mind of society.

Money and relationships do not hurt you (unless you're monastic, which has its own logic).  Working in the world this way is fine but don't do it mechanically.

FOR THE WEEK

Notice fear or anxiety running in the background of your actions and drop the fear.

Watch how mechanical your feelings are:  this is tying together what mechanical-ness has to do with negative thoughts and personal power.

Forget the self- drop thought as much as you can.
